Day 5: Vanilla Shortbread-Ass Dreams

So something I've been noticing lately is how my dreams have been a lot more ... innocent since I got rid of my phone. 

I wouldn't even consider myself an "innocent guy", I like action movies, I can tolerate some The Boys level violence, and I've been around the block or two and had the huevos to order a sandwich from a gas station bodega without being overly-nervous.

I'm a pretty rock-solid dude. 

Jokes aside, my dreams have long been a place for the fucked-up-fish-head-experiences where you are being chased by police officers with fish heads who are trying to hook you with a fishing rod. Just me? 

Regardless, my dreams have been pretty strange my whole life. I've noticed that whatever I watch (or consume) before bed, I sometimes dream about it. If I watch a show about a guy decapitating someone, odds are I'm going to get decapitated, or decapitated someone else, in my dreams. Even so, my dreams can be strange and borderline intense sometimes, and all over the place most of the times. My dreams are hardly ever "dreamy" ... that is, until the last two nights.

The last two nights I've had some vanilla shortbread-ass dreams, hence the title of this blog post today. I'm talking dreams that are so innocent, I'm out here eating chocolate chip cookies with a glass of warm milk. 

I won't bore you too much with dreams (who likes hearing about someone else's dreams?) but I will say, two nights ago I had the most vanilla shortbread-ass dream. My mom made me fresh, warm chocolate chip cookies; I grabbed two of them, stacked them, and engulfed them. Right before I went out the door, I went back and got a two more, stacked them again, and engulfed again. Then, when I walked outside the door, a 2004 Chevrolet Corvette was sitting there waiting for me. I looked inside the cab and noticed it was stick-shift. Dang, I thought. I wish it was manual. Before me, the car switched to a 2005 Corvette with manual. I got in a rode off in to the sunset, cookies in hand.

What kind of vanilla shortbread-ass dream is that? 

I can't help but think that not having my phone is playing a bigger role in my psyche than common media gives credit to. We all know the benefits of reducing screen-time, from less anxiety and depression symptoms, to a better overall life. But, what I think many people miss is just how beneficial it is to not have a phone at all. 

In my recent blog, I compared the smartphone to a wheel-barrow of cash, gold, gems, and infinite knowledge sitting by the dinner table while you're trying to have dinner with friends and/or family. Get the gist? It's pretty impossible to enjoy the now and be 'present' with such a wheel-barrow right next to you.  Our smartphones are that wheel-barrow, and we carry them literally everywhere we go. Our brain is forever aware of the fact that we have this amazing, all-knowing device in our pocket, wherever we go, at all times. No matter if you're at a show, going out for dinner with friends, going to the movies, or just going on a walk, your subconscious brain knows and wants that phone, like right now. That is so distracting, and also a strain on your subconscious all day long. Even when you put the phone down to go to bed, your brain is still thinking about it in your sleep. 

That's 24/7 subconscious thinking about your smartphone.

Agh, I could barf!

There are some challenges I'm facing now on Day 5, nearing a week without a smart-phone. As I wrote in my previous blogs, some of these challenges include navigating the 2-factor debacle (and the back-and-forth with people who simply cannot believe you got rid of your cellphone on purpose). But as I said before, the rewards seem to outweigh the disadvantages. As I wrote yesterday, I came across some studies that prove smartphones have significant effects on your hormonal level, specifically hormone disruptions in both men and women, as well as causing Early Onset Purberty for pre-teens. I just can't imagine what about the smartphone is so worth all the health risks that come with it ... BUT, I will give you a little anecdote before I log off for Day 5 on the NoPhoneBlog.

Today we went to a nice restaurant we haven't been to in awhile; my girlfriend and myself. This, without even realizing it at the time, marked the first time we went out to eat together without either of us having a smartphone. Yes, my girlfriend, too, is embarking on a no-phone life! 

Anyway, at this restaurant, we sit down and place our orders, and my hand almost instinctively went to my pocket to grab my phone. I'm a guilty boy when it comes to browsing Reddit while munching, and given this was the first time we've been out to eat without a smartphone, it only made sense I'd do the same again now. Well, of course, I quickly realized I didn't have a phone... and guess what? That was perfectly okay with me.

No, like seriously: it was fine.

Within about 0.2 seconds I was totally over not having a phone, and decided to just have a lovely conversation with my girlfriend about cleaning our garage. Somehow, that conversation was just as stimulating (if not more) than what I would have been using my phone for. 

But this is where things get a little bit more interesting. A couple sat next to us (very close table next to us, the restaurant is cafeteria style, so intimate!) and as soon as they placed their orders, they both pulled out their phones and their table was dead silent. Now, I'm not judging them; in fact, this made me very glad because I was worried our conversation would get 'drowned out' by their conversation given how close of proximity they were to our table. Thankfully, their phones completely voided any conversation, at all.

I looked around the restaurant and it was a mix of people engaging in conversation, and people are their phones. Who am I to say which is better or worse, but for me, the answer was obvious. I felt a sense of achievement and dare I say grandiose for being able to engage with my partner over Brunch (Brug, as we call it) without the corporate conglomerates owning every bit of my attention.

"You know what's interesting," I said between bites to my girlfriend. "Whenever I think about who made the smartphone; Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, whatever nerd-ass made the smartphone, it makes me want to never use it again. I mean, we are letting these nerds control our entire life? We used to have people who would beat these people up, now they control ever faucet of our life."

Editor note: I don't condone nerd violence. But that point stands. You are a man, or perhaps a woman, or something in-between; I don't change nor does it matter. What matters is this is your life, just like this is my life. Are you really going to let your brain be controlled by that nerdy, little nasal-y kid who had boogers coming out of his nose in Math class, and all he wanted to do was talk about computers? That is who you are letting control your psyche and narrative?

Agh, I could barf! If that doesn't make you want to throw your phone off the highest cliffside you can find and start actually living your life on your own terms, I don't know what will. I already threw my phone out, and it makes me want to do it again.

We can't let these people, corporations, and conglomerates control our lives anymore. They are all competing for your attention and time, in order to sell you shit you don't need via money you don't have to keep you in this vicious cycle of consumerism and capitalism; rinse and repeat. Enough is enough, I say. 

There is a life out there with your name on it, I know it! Reject the monkey brain and embrace your own life.

Thanks for tuning in on Day 5, and a special thanks to my Subscribed Readers. Today we gained our 5th (fifth!) subscriber to the NoPhoneBlog, and that just makes my absolute day. So I wanted to take this time to shout out my newest subscriber: Kevin Lasagna. Garfield would be proud!

See you tomorrow, folks. Signing off for now.